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polaris June 30, 2005

Posted by introspectreangel in lyrics.

I’ll say it straight and plain
I know I’ve made mistakes
I’ve always been afraid
I’ve always been afraid

A thousand nights or more
I travelled east and north
Please answer the door

Can you tell me
You say that love goes anywhere
In your darkest time, it’s just enough to know it’s there
When you go, I’ll let you be
But you’re killing everything in me

Get down on your knees
Whisper what I need
Something pretty
Something pretty

I feel that when I’m old
I’ll look at you and know
The world was beautiful
Then you tell me

You say that love goes anywhere
In your darkest time, it’s just enough to know it’s there
When you go, I’ll let you be
But you’re killing everything in me

I’m done, there’s nothing left to show
Try but I can’t let go
Are you happy where you’re standing still?
Do you really want the sugar pill?
I’ll wake up tomorrow and I’ll start
To another, it feels so hard
As a train approaches, getting on
As I’m sure your kiss remains employed
Am I only dreaming?

You say that love goes anywhere
In your darkest time, it’s just enough to know it’s there
When you go, I’ll let you be
But you’re killing everything in me
When you go, I’ll let you be
But you’re killing everything in me .

-Jimmy Eat World

i was just surfing profiles on myspace… June 29, 2005

Posted by introspectreangel in faith, life.
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and under the section “who you’d like to meet”, someone had written, “no stoics, please.” intriguing, i thought. i knew the general meaning of stoic to be someone who is somewhat indifferent, but i thought there must be more than that to this statement. so i looked up “stoic” on Merriam-Webster Online and found:

Main Entry: sto·ic Pronunciation: ‘stO-ikFunction: nounEtymology: Middle English, from Latin stoicus, from Greek stOïkos, literally, of the portico, from Stoa (PoikilE) the Painted Portico, portico at Athens where Zeno taught
1 capitalized : a member of a school of philosophy founded by Zeno of Citium about 300 B.C. holding that the wise man should be free from passion, unmoved by joy or grief, and submissive to natural law
2 : one apparently or professedly indifferent to pleasure or pain

unmoved by joy or grief? free from passion? and this makes one WISE? good God. i don’t even know what to think.

happy day June 29, 2005

Posted by introspectreangel in work.
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i have succeeded in obtaining gainful employment. gainful employment in which the majority of the compensation comes in the form of really good benefits, as opposed to actual money, but gainful employment nonetheless. i’m going to be working for a major private healthcare system as a release-of-information specialist. neat, huh?


damn! June 27, 2005

Posted by introspectreangel in faith, funny, politics.
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what in the fuck… June 26, 2005

Posted by introspectreangel in blogging.
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…is going on with blogger?

i called my dad a few days to ago… June 21, 2005

Posted by introspectreangel in family, lyrics, moving.
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…to wish him a happy father’s day and find out what he had been doing that day, and he informed me that they had been house hunting.

house hunting??!

once i get the financial stability to actually BUY a home, i’m NEVER moving again. i’m not kidding. naturally, this line of thinking led me to use a ridiculously complicated algorithm to determine how many places i have called home since i moved out of my parents’ home 10 years ago, and here are the results:

  • 4 different dorm rooms in 2 and a half years (angel + roommate = chaos)
  • in my car and with friends and in a variety of skanky hotel rooms on my Canadian adventure
  • 7 different apartments in 6 years
  • the duplex for almost a year
  • and most recently, in true “generation x” style, the home of husband’s parents.i mentioned to my dad jokingly that he and mom were just looking for someplace smaller so we didn’t move in with THEM next. i was a bit nonplussed when he said, “well, actually – that’s right.”hmph.


    in other news, i am pleased to confirm that i do indeed have an ethical bone in my body. i was accepted into the sales training program for a company called American Income Life. i was given a sales pitch to memorize and told i had two days to have it down cold. when i sat down with said pitch, i realized that i was going to be posing as a union member to try and sell insurance to real union members. i have no issues with organized labor in general, but i do have a problem with pretending to be something i’m not. i always check company web sites out before i go on an interview and i was a little perturbed that the company itself seemingly had a large presence on the net, but it was a whole lot of non-information. tomorrow i have another interview with Zee Medical Systems. it’s attractive, because they provide the vehicle. even though it is a van.

    other than that, i have no new tale to tell.

    “…my world is your world, people like to hear their names, i’m no exception, please call my name…”

  • King Saul June 16, 2005

    Posted by introspectreangel in blogthings.
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    King Saul
    You scored 60% Pride, 67% Envy, 40% Ambition, and 25% Deceitfulness!
    You are King Saul, the first king of Israel and notorious for being a hero turned villain. Things started off well for you. God chose you because you were content to serve him. In other words, you weren’t ambitious enough to try to take the Kingdom of Israel in a direction that led away from God. Also, you possessed a prideful assertiveness that made you very effective in the office of king. Unfortunately, your pride and, perhaps more importantly, your envy turned you into a villain. After David slew Goliath, you noticed that your subjects seemed to revere him more than they revered you. Being a prideful person, this had a tremendous affect on you. Finally, your envy (an attribute you possess in excess) for David made it impossible for the two of you to coexist and share the spotlight, so you set out to destroy him. The rest of your life was spent being a petty villain, and like so many villains to come after you, you tried and tried, but never managed to hit your mark.
    My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

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    You scored higher than 60% on Pride
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    You scored higher than 82% on Envy
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    You scored higher than 20% on Ambition
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    You scored higher than 5% on Deceitfulness

    Link: The Which Biblical Villain Are You Test written by MetalliScats on Ok Cupid

    i’ve been a bit puzzled… June 16, 2005

    Posted by introspectreangel in work.
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    …about the way my job search seems to be panning out. i’ve been on multiple interviews for a myriad of different types of positions. so far i am finding that these are much smaller businesses than i am accustomed to working for, and on several occasions i have been told that they placed an ad even though the person being replaced isn’t leaving for another 4-6 weeks. last week i went on an interview where the person honestly wasn’t even sure if the person currently holding the job was really leaving – they had just applied for another job and hadn’t heard what, if anything, was going to happen there. i guess i just don’t understand the mentality of placing a newspaper ad and conducting interviews if 1) you’re not certain you have a position open, or 2) the position isn’t actually open for another 2 months, and you aren’t really interested in bringing someone aboard early to train. it’s a bit different. i have been on at least 20 interviews now, and i thought i was a total shoe-in for at least 4 of those positions (refer to the earlier post in which i said that my degree was currently qualifying me to interview for $9 an hour clerical jobs and you’ll understand the nature of the interviews i’m doing), but i haven’t gotten a single call back. not one. are my references not checking out? or is there just no sense of urgency with these people about getting someone hired?

    so, i’m attempting a different tack. i faxed in a couple of resumes to companies that ran ads of the “looking for motivated individual to get in on a ground floor opportunity – no experience needed” nature. you got it – sales jobs. i’ve never done outside sales before. i know people who are extremely successful at it – hardworking, talented, motivated people. i just don’t know if any of those 3 superlatives apply to me. i’ve done 2 phone interviews now and i have the followup in-person interviews tomorrow. the first is selling advertising space in a free weekly grocery store circular. the second is selling life insurance. they are both promising what i consider to be fantastic sums of money – commission based, of course – to “hardworking individuals”. i’ve been going back and forth on whether or not either of these is an opportunity that i want to pursue, even if the interviews work out. and from where i stand right now, all i can say is, it can’t hurt to go on the interviews. both promised “no cold calling”. and right now, with a rent-free roof over my head and food on my plate is the time that i actually have the luxury of failing and falling on my ass. if i can’t do it, or i’m no good at it, or i’m not comfortable with the idea of a fluctuating income (and i wasn’t when i was in college and waiting tables for tips!), now is the time to see for sure – not after we move out and have bills again. so wish me luck!

    The Scott Peterson verdict… June 13, 2005

    Posted by introspectreangel in thoughtful.
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    …had temporarily restored my faith in California juries. Suffice it to say, that short lived faith has again been blown to smithereens.


    depeche mode, "clean" June 13, 2005

    Posted by introspectreangel in life.
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    regarding my 43things aspiration to “drink vodka and cranberry juice” – i did this friday night. i was sitting on the couch and gnashing my teeth about having nothing to do in this town on a friday night, when husband offered to mix me a drink. i quickly remembered that our alcohol stash was still sitting in the plastic bin in the foyer waiting to be taken to storage, so i grabbed the skyy vodka (mmmm) and slammed it on the counter. “oh, bartender!” a quick inventory of the fridge revealed a deplorable lack of cranberry juice. however, a quick look-see of the in-laws liquor cabinet offered up the presence of some 30 year old (at LEAST!) triplesec, and when lime juice was discovered at the back of the fridge – well! i knew we were in business! a hasty run to the local grocery store for some cranberry juice, and voila! COSMOPOLITANS! 6 of them, to be precise. in quick succession, one after the other. coupled with a late night viewing of that baz luhrman MASTERPIECE “moulin rouge”, and i was rescued from what had promised to be a rather mundane evening. beautiful!