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nutritious! February 21, 2006

Posted by introspectreangel in food.
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2 handfuls of gummi bears
Sonic onion rings
2 bottles of water
1 spoonful of hot fudge, direct from container
1 slice of fat free swiss cheese
3 leftover california rolls from dinner out on saturday night. they were much better fresh.

yeah, i’ve had better days, nutritionally speaking anyway.


i go through different phases in my blogging… February 20, 2006

Posted by introspectreangel in blogging, life, theology, vocation.
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lately, i’ve been in a spiritual/discernment phase, praying a lot, thinking about lent coming up and if i am called to the priesthood. sometimes i get political, and sometimes i can’t think of anything to say and that’s when i go heavy on the memes and quizzes. sometimes i get very personal and post on what is going on in my family life, but most of the time i feel i don’t have anything to say that isn’t patently obvious to EVERYONE BUT ME, and so i say nothing at all, for fear that anyone who reads will be saying to the screen, “well, DUH! you mean you just now figured that out?!”

here is what i’ve figured out today – feel free to *thwack* my picture right between the eyes, if you must.

today i placed myself into someone else’s hands – i asked them to use their expertise to help me with a problem that i have been unsuccessful in helping myself with. and instead of feeling weak and dependent, like i just knew i would if i had to actually ask for help, i spent the drive home feeling…happy. so, what’s wrong with me? i stay out of church when i most need the sacraments and healing, i say mean things and start fights with the people i love because i want them to hug me and tell me everything is all right (the old “i hate you, don’t leave me” syndrome), and i persist in thinking that i can fix everything that is wrong all on my own. it has become a habit to push everyone away and then to resent it when they actually leave. i know intellectually that i must learn new ways of listening, new ways of communicating, but underneath that is a deep current of resentment that says, “if everyone would just do things MY WAY, everything would be all right!” i deeply, deeply resent that when i am going out on a wire to tell someone how i really feel or how i really see something that people actually have the gall to disagree with me, and i become fiercely angry at ANY response other than, “of course, you’re right.” i talk an amazing game about tolerance and respect, but when push comes to shove, it appears i have none for the people closest to me. or perhaps i’m just particularly down on myself today. it happens. i don’t know.


on to another topic: the evolution of my attitude towards lent

i’ve been going round and round about what to give up for lent this year. it was actually not that many years ago that i even began to consider that it might not be necessary to give up something from the material world for lent, that perhaps giving up negative emotional qualities such as selfishness or shame might be healthier. that, in turn, led me to consider not giving up anything, material or emotional – instead i would do something that i don’t normally do, such as attend morning prayer at church, or stop procrastinating about inviting some of the new folks at church to dinner and just do it. but of course, the giving up of material things is the easiest to measure, and therefore i have a much more complete sense of satisfaction when i accomplish 40 whole days of deprivation from whatever it is i’ve chosen. and what, exactly, is wrong with that? (aside from the fact that is “easy” what i’m really supposed to be shooting for?) this year i was thinking about meat. all meat – beef, chicken, pork, lamb, and if i left anything out, that too. now, in light of the events from the last day that led to me seeking the help referred to above, i’m considering the idea that spending the lenten season in a constant feeling of deprivation might not be the best idea. and then again, my simply giving up meat is such a small thing compared to the sacrifice that Christ made for us. i know it’s a very childish perspective on lent. i want to grow into a better understanding of what this season is really for, but i don’t really know where to start.

RevGalBlogPals Friday Five February 17, 2006

Posted by introspectreangel in Canada, Friday Fives.
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Winter Olympics Friday Five

1) Which of the Winter Olympic sports is your favorite to watch?

definitely the luge. wheeeeeeeee!

2) Do you speak Snowboardese?

ummm, totally. yeah. shredder! no wait, that’s the bad guy in the ninja turtles, right?

3) Define Nordic Combined. Don’t look it up. Take a guess if you must.

is it some type of two-sport event? skiing and ice fishing maybe?

4) Curling. Please discuss.

i was first introduced to this sport when i briefly lived in canada. and i wanted to like it – really i did, much as i wanted to like moose and hockey and the word, “eh”. alas, it was not meant to be. i remain as confused as ever by curling.

5) If you could be a Winter Olympics Champion just by wishing for it, which sport would you choose for winning your Gold Medal?

wow, i really can’t choose. i wish i was in any kind of shape to participate in any athletic event at all.

"Come On, Church! Get a Backbone!" February 17, 2006

Posted by introspectreangel in Episcopal, theology.
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Go read some fightin’ words in defense of our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters over at Fr. Jake’s place. I just finished reading, and I’m a little shaky at being “called out”, but there it is. Decision time is here.

yeah, what i said yesterday… February 15, 2006

Posted by introspectreangel in marriage.
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…about us not doing flowers or any of that? well, i got flowers at work today! (i was off yesterday) they were the prettiest peach roses, too. i asked if that was intentional or coz they ran out of red, and it turned out to be the latter. that’s ok, they’re more unique that way. 🙂

olympics commentary cracks me up February 14, 2006

Posted by introspectreangel in funny.
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i was watching the luge events (love ’em!) when nbc suddenly segued into the men’s figure skating competition (eh, not so much), and i couldn’t help but laugh. the two commentators were talking about a recent change to the rules regarding how many opportunities the skaters have to attempt jumps, and one said to the other, “would it be fair to say that this rule is beneficial, considering the larger size of mens’ athletic envelopes, as it were?”

“athletic envelopes” ?

on another subject, it completely managed to escape my notice until about an hour ago that today is indeed valentine’s day. i don’t know, i guess it’s just not that important of a holiday for me. i’m not bitter or cynical about it, but neither do we make any special plans or do flowers or candy or any of that. february means other things to me usually, like my dad’s birthday and getting ready for lent. i’m considering giving up meat, and i’m quite the carnivore, so it’s something that has to be mulled over for awhile.

i drove down to the big city yesterday… February 14, 2006

Posted by introspectreangel in Boy-o, friends, theology.
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…to do some shopping and to see some old friends from our old parish. they were having one of their monday night “spirituality on tap” lectures where they meet in a pub or bar (this time it was the upper room at a pub my husband and i used to go on a lot of dates at) and invite a speaker, followed by a free for all q & a session. since we have absolutely nothing like this in where we live now, i decided to drop by. the topic was “musings from a frustrated christian”, and the speaker was the rev. dr. kevin j. huddleston, who is the chaplain at the local episcopal boys’ school. he had some interesting things to say, beginning with, “I predict Christianity’s 500 year experiment with denominations has failed, and will end in my lifetime.” lively discussion about all manner of things regarding the institutional church followed, and as much as i usually love these types of talks, in this case i was pretty content just to drink newcastle and catch up with my friends. it was really kind of funny. they of course asked how our new state was treating us, and looked very skeptical when i told them how happy we are and how genuinely peaceful our life is here – much as i would have one year ago had i been in their shoes. ahh, the irony! i then turned into a one-woman tourism campaign and extended an invitation for them to come see us when the weather turns nice again, since we live very near a city recreation area and a national park. i may live to regret it, but who knows? i warned them they’d have to bring their own beer due to local laws requiring the sale of lower alcohol content beer, so with this group, that may well be enough of a deterrent!

today i am enjoying a mental health day off from work. it’s not that my job is particularly stressful, more like…mind-numbing. but they are generous with the pto (paid time off), so today is for Boy-o and me. i thought for sure we’d get out of the house and go do something, but so far it hasn’t happened. maybe we can manage it after his nap.

and tomorrow morning i have to go to court for my very first speeding ticket in this state. i could pay it and skip out on court, but i’m going mostly to find out what my options are for keeping it off my driving record. in my home state, you can take defensive driving and erase one ticket a year, but i’m told you can’t do that here. so, we’ll see if there are any other options.

we got back this afternoon… February 5, 2006

Posted by introspectreangel in friends, movies.
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…from a quick little overnight in my home city, where we had a wonderful time, as we usually do. my folks babysat so husband and i could go out to dinner and a movie. for dinner, we used the gift certificate that my sister gave me for doing the honors at her wedding, and afterwards we went to see the lion, the witch & the wardrobe.

i have to admit that i really didn’t want to see it, and i was basing that solely on my one attempt to read the book when i was about 8 or 9. as a child, i had an inflated vocabulary and always read above my grade level, which led me to a lot of books that i didn’t fully understand. to my credit, as i grew older, i usually gave most of those books a second go, but for some reason i never did for this one. over time, i grew to really dislike the whole fantasy and sci-fi genres, and i figured that i could trace that back to my inability to get through that first book in the narnia series.

so, the good part about all this is that as i watched the movie last night, i wasn’t constantly making comparisons to the book, because i hadn’t read it. and i absolutely adored the movie. i’ve made several attempts to see evening movies since Boy-o was born, and i always doze off. don’t ask me how, surround sound being what it is, but the dark theater and husband’s arm around me and being perpetually sleep deprived just work in combination with each other that way. 😉 i didn’t even come close to falling asleep in this movie. i was riveted the entire time. i’ve read some reviews that said the animation was shoddy, but i don’t think so. the human actors were thoroughly convincing (ally, the actress playing the white witch looks exactly like you), the music and the colors were incredible, the mythical creatures were funny and scary, and the Christian allegories MADE the story for me – but hey, i’m a religious geek (see quiz in the post before this one). still, even if a person had NO knowledge of Christianity, this story would be impressive – as long as you enjoy showdowns between good and evil. it was a beautiful film, and i desperately want to go see it again.

we’ll go back down in another two weeks for my niece’s 2nd birthday party (we bought her some pink cowboy boots at nordstrom yesterday), and then two weeks after that for the nearby big city’s irish festival. and i think i have a shopping trip to world market lined up with my friend kimberly at some point in the next few weeks, too, but i don’t exactly remember when. ahhh, it’s going to be a busy spring!