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flattened July 31, 2007

Posted by introspectreangel in divorce.
6 comments

I met husband at a restaurant last night, and I told him I wanted a divorce.

You know as well as I do why people do these things in public. Several time during our conversation, we both broke into tears, or whispered angry curse words at each other, or he would stand up and make like he was about to walk away, but realize that the people at the surrounding tables were looking at him, and sit back down. But had the conversation occurred at my house, or even say, at a local park, there would have been screaming, and I just didn’t want to go there.

I kept trying to move the conversation onto the “I’ve made this decision, there is no going back for me, so what steps do we take now about custody and child support” level, and of course he wanted to keep it at the “Why are you doing this to me” level. I’m not blaming him, please understand that I’m not. In looking at this from his point of view, in the last month he has come home from work to find his wife and son moved out, and now he is being told that there is no possibility of reconciliation or of an “us”. To look him in the eyes last night and to see despair there just about killed me. And honestly, had he even said he was sorry, or that he was being wrong to bitch about the car repairs when he knew he had agreed to take them on, or that it was stupid for him to move in with this woman, I might very well have caved. But he didn’t.

Instead, he asked for more time, to find a place of his own, and I had to very sadly say that he was welcome to find a place of his own, that it would help him to spend more time with his son, because I was not letting Boy-o go over to this house he shares with this woman, but that the fact that he had done it at all meant that there was no going back for me. I said I was not responsible for teaching him how to make good decisions, and I was not going to let him place me in the role of being the one who tells him what to do and he does it. I said he needs to learn how to do what is right simply because it is right, and not in response to losing something or someone. I said that this decision was a wrong one, that I had warned him not to do this, and if he couldn’t see that, then I was at a loss. I said I had no more fight left, and he said, “So you’re gonna run away from your problems like you always do.” I replied with a stinger about how he is the one who runs away into his fantasy games and actions and has a completely unrealistic view of women and marriage and the selflessness involved, but I had to rein it in quick, because we were in public and I could have really gotten going.

I was mostly trying to feel him out to see if we are going to be able to agree on custody of Boy-o and child support. We own nothing…I took all the furniture I brought into the marriage when we separated, and the only thing of mine left with him is a bed that belonged to my parents that they have said they want back, and he agreed to that. I own my car…we own the truck together, but I’m fine with him taking it…so all that leaves is Boy-o. I told him that as long as I was in town, I wanted him to be able to see Boy-o as much as possible, but it wasn’t going to happen at his house with his roommate. Then I dropped the bomb that I want to move back to my home state, and that since he works full time and is a full time graduate student, shared physical custody wouldn’t make a lot of sense. He agreed to that, but the look on his face when I talked about alternating weekends and child support almost made me cave again. He agreed to all of it, though. Verbally, anyway. When I wrote it on a piece of paper and asked him to sign it, he refused, and said he needed time to think about it.

I’ve made too much money in the last 3 months (that encompasses the time when I was still at my old job at the agency) to qualify for Legal Aid, and a regular attorney quoted me 3 grand, half up front (in my wildest dreams, I don’t have that kind of money). So the only option left, I think is to try and convince him of the necessity of cooperating so we can do the divorce ourselves and just have to pay for the forms and the filing, which would be a few hundred dollars.

And so “husband” is going to become “ex”.  In the meantime, I feel like I have just been flattened by a semi. I don’t even feel angry with him anymore. I feel dead, empty, like everything is moving in slow motion.

It’s always nice when you get the quiz result you want without *too* much fiddling with the answers. ;) July 29, 2007

Posted by introspectreangel in blogthings, reading.
3 comments


You’re The Mists of Avalon!
by Marion Zimmer Bradley

You’re obsessed with Camelot in all its forms, from Arthurian legend to the Kennedy administration. Your favorite movie from childhood was “The Sword in the Stone”. But more than tales of wizardry and Cuban missiles, you’ve focused on women. You know that they truly hold all the power. You always wished you could meet Jackie Kennedy.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

dumb and dumber July 29, 2007

Posted by introspectreangel in addiction, separation.
6 comments

Husband has just informed me that he has moved out of the house we lived in prior to the separation, and in with a friend of his…a friend who happens to be female.

He tells me the relationship is a friendship only, as does another friend of mine who knows the woman in question. But…don’t you think it’s kind of…dumb? He is a SEX ADDICT. A sex addict who is separated from his wife. It just doesn’t seem like the type of decision that someone who says he is trying to avoid a divorce should be making. I don’t know this woman. And I’m supposed to send my son over there to spend the night? He makes twice the amount of money I do, and I used a large chunk of what I had to rent this 2 bedroom duplex so my son could have his own room and we could have our privacy during these sure-to-be-painful next few months…and he decided to be roommates with some woman I don’t know?

Huh. Not sure what to think…except…well, it kind of confirms that my decision is the right one.

UPDATE: I asked for the address, and he told me what it was.  He said, “It looks terrible from the outside, but I’m going to work on that.”  Hmmm…

July 28, 2007

Posted by introspectreangel in addiction, birthdays, family, food, marriage, separation.
6 comments

7-28-07.jpg This morning I made myself a birthday cake, complete with candles which I plan to blow out after singing “happy birthday” to myself. I also plan to cook a nice meal for myself: tomato-basil chicken and a salad, and maybe some pasta with olive oil and lemon. What do you think? I mean, my so-called “birthday lunch” with husband was a complete bust, and I figure I deserve something better. 🙂

I called our car insurance company this morning to get a new quote on my own policy, and I will be visiting a wireless phone service store this afternoon to obtain my own phone and plan. Once those are done, I will sit down and ask for a divorce.

The decision has been a painful one, and I honestly didn’t expect to reach it feeling as definite as I do less than a month into our separation. I really, really thought that I would take the entire 6 month period of my lease and give my husband ample opportunity to show me that he valued me and our marriage. And yet…and yet…

I have changed everything about myself for him. Some of those changes have been positive ones. While I have had many, many reasons to be angry with him over the years, I haven’t always handled my anger in the right way. I’ve thrown things and slapped him and been a right proper bitch at times. And I have been sorry afterward. I have never once felt entitled to display violent behavior, and I have experienced genuine remorse, and I have changed my behavior. And some of the changes have been very, very negative ones. I sacrificed my self-respect in favor of peace. I believed that staying in this marriage and being supportive was holy, and right, and good. I covered up the parts of my personality that made me funky and fun around my in-laws…for example, the first weekend I went to go meet them, I changed my hair color from cherry bomb red to a mousy brown on husband’s request. And the greatest sin of all – I sacrificed relationships with people I love and need to have in my life because my non-traditional family configuration made them uncomfortable. They never said these things, mind you. That’s the problem – they never SAY anything. But it was obvious nonetheless in tiny grimaces, uncomfortable looks, and dead silence when I would say anything that they disagreed with. They might as well have had a big cartoon-type word bubble above their heads that said “SINNER!” Whereas in my family, everyone says, “Oh, THAT’S complete bullshit! Where’d you get that dumb idea? Now, what do you want for dinner?”

I think the straw that has broken the camel’s back is the current situation with my car. As I posted, my car broke down while husband was driving it home from work. We had switched cars because mine gets better gas mileage and he has to travel further. I made it crystal clear that if I agreed to do this, he was responsible for any repairs. The repairs are going to come to $2600 for a refurbished engine and labor (don’t ask me, the car drove FINE when I had it). He says he doesn’t have it. I told him to handle it and get me my car back, or to give me the truck to drive. He said he can’t give me the truck because he has to get to and from work. I said so do I. He said, “You’re going to be mad at me no matter what I do anyway.” He also said that I needed to quit being such a bitch or he would just have the car towed to my driveway and I could worry about it. I said this wasn’t acceptable, and that he had agreed to take care of anything that happened while he was behind the wheel. He said he will, but he won’t have the money until the end of September. I said I can’t be without my car for that long. He said he would give me rides, and I could find rides to and from work with friends. And that quick, the lightbulb came on over my head. Once again, he has placed me in a situation where he is attempting to isolate me and make me dependent upon him, all while making it look like that it’s just a case of shitty things keep happening to us. Every situation that has drawn me further and further away from my home, my family, and my friends has been somehow related to his addiction and his acting out. The fact that I have ZERO savings after almost 5 years of marriage to him, when I had a pretty considerable nest egg for emergencies and my future graduate education set aside prior to the marriage, is a big, big problem to me.

No remorse. No responsibility. Only blame, shame, excuses, and a total lack of respect for my feelings and my boundaries. And I simply can’t do it anymore…nor do I any longer think it is the right and holy thing to do or that God intends me to stay with and support this man for the rest of my life, while losing MYSELF in the process.

I got a neat, neat comment from someone on the other site:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{Angel},

How very sad for you and for your son. My heart longs to find words which will heal and sooth your pain, which feels all too familiar to my soul. Sadly, there are no magic healing words, your heart and soul must come to their own peace in your life’s journey with our Lord.

I pray that you consider for the sake of your son, and especially for your own sake, filing for and following through with a divorce as soon as possible; and getting counseling for yourself alone. You will not be able to begin your journey toward health and wholeness until you begin to free yourself from your husband’s evil. I pray from my heart that you will do this soon. I pray for you from my own journey from sorrow and suffering, in a marriage to another pastor who had serial affairs with women in his congregations, to a sense of wholeness and hope for new life, fifteen years after my divorce.

The day I was able to confirm my then husband’s actual acts of clergy sexual misconduct is the day I kicked him out. The next day I changed the locks, and the following day I was filing for divorce before noon. Not because I didn’t love him, Lord knows I did, deeply and with all that I was, but because even more deeply I could feel my own soul dying. The unique and beautiful soul God created and knew in my mother’s womb was being destroyed by trying to make sense of a world where evil was good (a marriage which was killing me by dishonoring me and what I knew to be right) and where good (nurturing and honoring the gift of my own unique soul first with God) seemed evil. As important as love and marriage and family and children are, please remember the great commandment to love God with all your heart and mind and soul. You cannot do this if you are bound up in your husband’s evil. It clouds your vision of God, of your self and of your son.

It is not just addiction which drives men like these. They have what some call negative empathy, an ability to use their understanding of other’s emotions to manipulate for their own ends. This is a life long personality pattern. It can be a manifestation of any one of a number of personality disorders. It can not be fixed by love or couples counseling, indeed these types of interventions only gives him more ammunition to use against you. Even an AA type program cannot get to the core of the problem. Remember the success rate for AA is only about 20%, the watchword there is the AA-ism, “The program works if you work it.” Your husband, over many, many years has shown no willingness to “work it.” Angel, you on the other hand can work toward a new and fulfilling life for both you and your son. I pray that God’s hand leads you on a journey which brings you new life and hope and peace.

God’s very best for you, Dorothy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Amen. And thank you Dorothy. I needed that. I tried to click on your link to see if you had a site, but the link was broken. So God bless you, dear, and thank you again and again.

RevGalBlogPals Friday Five: Floods and droughts July 27, 2007

Posted by introspectreangel in Friday Fives.
3 comments

earth.jpg Sally writes:

“Here in the UK we are struggling with floods, other parts of the world have similar problems without the infrastructure to cope with it, still others are badly affected by drought…. My son Jon is in Melbourne, Australia where apparently it has been snowing ( yes it is winter but still!)…. With crazy weather in mind I bring you this weeks Friday 5…”

1. Have you experienced living through an extreme weather event- what was it and how did you cope?

I live in Tornado Alley, and while I have never had to hunker down and put my hands over my head for real, several have come awfully, awfully close to where I was at different times. In 2000, I was in the downtown area of the city I was living in for a doctor’s appointment, and I had just left the area and was driving home when I heard about a massive tornado that had ripped through the area where I had just been. It took that area years to recover. And last summer, due to the drought, grass fires were out of control in the area where I lived, which was a very rural area with lots and lots of scrub brush all around us, right up to our fence in the back yard. The smell of smoke hung over our town all summer and we were diligent about keeping the trees along the back fence trimmed and having a plan if we were asked to evacuate the area. Fortunately, nothing came that near to us, though.

2. How important is it that we wake up to issues such as global warming?

I’m going to be honest and say that I have a hard time thinking about this issue. The idea of global warming is interesting to me from an academic point of view, but the self-centered part of me is like, “So what? I don’t live at the Poles and I can just go inside and turn up my A/C. Besides, nothing’s going to happen to the earth in MY lifetime. ” So, I would have to say that I haven’t really grasped the urgency of it yet. And I know I’m not the only one.

3. The Christian message needs to include stewardship of the earths resources agree/ disagree?

Absolutely agree – the earth is a gift to us from our Creator. I may not “get” global warming, but I do drive a small gas-efficient car, and I do that on purpose, not just because it was what I could afford. I use energy efficient light bulbs. My next step is going to be to really try to get on board with recycling. In the place I came from, the city passes out recycling bins and has curbside pick up once a week. They don’t do that here, but there are big recycling drop off bins at Wal-Mart, and is there any reason why I shouldn’t?

And because it is summer- on a brighter note….

4. What is your favourite season and why?

I like the spring and the fall, and I don’t think I can choose which I like better. In spring, everything is coming to life, and in fall, everything is dying. Since you can’t have one without the other, I can’t choose!
“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end…” -Semisonic

5. Describe your perfect vacation weather….

Sunny and breezy, with a few days of rain, too.

pros and cons July 27, 2007

Posted by introspectreangel in separation.
3 comments

from the Daily Episcopalian:

“So many parts of me want to go back to the place that makes sense to me and yet at this point in my life I know that is not my path. It is not where God is calling me to be.

Call is a funny thing. I still haven’t figured out how you are sure that the Holy Spirit is calling and when she is not. It makes me wonder about the disciples and their call to follow Jesus. How did they know that it was the right thing to do? Did they weigh the pros and the cons? Did they follow their gut? Was it a combination of the two? Did they think about it at all?”

As someone who is currently engaged in the process of making endless lists of pros and cons, this kinda hit home. I mean, how do you ever KNOW what to do? Why aren’t the answers clear? And why do some people seem to move through life so confidently, and others agonize over every little thing. I’m an agonizer, myself. But this decision IS an agonizing one. I keep thinking thoughts like, “it’s not too late” or “it’s been less than 5 years, you can still make your break”, or “now’s the time to start over”. But I think these are not good things to be thinking. No matter what I decide, I am never going to be able to leave these years behind me. For one thing, I got my son out of them. For another, I loved/love (who knows?) my husband. For another, you simply can’t erase time, just because unpleasant or even degrading things were happening. If I’ve learned anything in my life, it is that running away from a situation does NOT make it go away. In fact, is packing my bags and running away from unpleasantness really any different than my husband sitting in the same room as me, or even next to me, and refusing to speak? He’s running away too…he just does it in his head, while I do it with with my feet.

On the one hand, I don’t want to rush into this decision, and on the other, a part of me knows this has been coming for a very, very long time. I talked to someone wise yesterday who was thinking out loud with me on the phone, and she said “You’ve only just moved out almost a month ago, don’t you think you should give it a little more time before you decide this? But then again, there is the argument that you have given several years and several chances, and the same thing keeps happening over and over again…how many more do you need to give?”

See, even wise folks who have been through this themselves can’t tell me what to do.

I don’t know where the place IS that “makes sense to me.” I don’t know how to acknowledge the fact that every time husband reaches for my hand and I pull away, I wish I didn’t want to pull away…but I do want to. I have this feeling that if I cave in on even one thing, it will be no time at all before I will be inviting him to move in here. And then the very next day I will look at him and think, “I wish you would GO AWAY.”

“Maybe there is a lesson for me in those Gospel stories (shocking I know), a lesson in how to leave a place taking what I need with me but leaving the other odds and ends behind. The Gospels don’t provide a specific list of what the disciples took with them or what they left behind (other than the nets), but I can take some educated guesses. I imagine that they disciples brought the clothes on their backs and the sandals on their feet while leaving most other tangible items behind. They brought with them their hearts, souls and minds; their questions and their searching for understanding. They took the knowledge of the love of their friends and family and their love of God. “

Well, that I do have…the knowledge of the love of my friends and family, and love of God.

July 26, 2007

Posted by introspectreangel in addiction, birthdays, blogging, family, food, marriage, separation.
1 comment so far

My car broke down yesterday while my husband was driving it, and now it is in the shop. So, husband drove me to and from work today. Beforehand, he spent the day pacing around my living room making phone calls to the mechanic, the car rental company, his employer, etc. And all I could think, over and over and over again was, “I wish he would go away.” I stayed in my bedroom for the many hours he was here, just because being in the same room as him makes me so desperately unhappy.

This disturbs me. So, my birthday, in spite of the many birthday greetings, e-cards, and well wishes from my family members and my friends inside the computer and out (though not a single peep out of my in-laws, who keep saying they still love me…strange, huh?) was not really a happy one.

When I went to see MB last weekend, I tried to explain to her (without sounding like a complete fruitcake) that the very act of making plans to move out, and then the act of actually doing so, took SO MUCH psychic energy, that right now I don’t have anything left to actually do any of the “work” on this marriage that I keep saying I want to do. I had to dig very, very deep down into myself to do this, and part of the reason it was so hard was that every time I have been betrayed by his lack of fidelity and another relapse, I had forgiven him WITHOUT requiring follow-up action (I supposedly required it, but I didn’t leave when he refused, so…draw your own conclusions)…and with that act I chipped away at my self-respect, little by little. The parts of me that knew I deserved better began to shrivel up and die, one by one.

I asked husband after he had made yet another lap around the living room (he can’t sit still when talking on the phone, he paces) if he could watch Boy-o while I ran to McDonald’s to treat myself to a Value Meal cheeseburger for my birthday. He said, “I was going to take you somewhere better.” I said, “Oh, that’s nice of you. Okay, thanks.” I went back to my room and waited. And waited. And waited. Finally, I looked at the clock and saw I had to be to work in an hour and a half, so I went back out and asked if he was going to take me somewhere, or if I needed to go get myself lunch, since I needed to be taken to work. He looked at me blankly and then said, “Okay, let’s go.” He took me to my favorite local Mexican restaurant (they don’t know how to do Mexican food up right in this state, but this place is an exception), but he didn’t speak to me the entire meal. I thanked him for lunch, tried to engage him in conversation about things, made fun of the Tejano music over the loudspeaker, and generally tried to be witty and entertaining. He was silent the whole meal, and most of the time he had his face buried in his hands. I have no clue why someone would offer to take someone out to lunch and then be uncommunicative the whole meal. I tried to figure out of it was the whole separation issue, or if he was upset about the car, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that he has always been this way. If it’s not one thing he’s worried about, it’s another, and I have never been, and will never be able to make it all better for him, no matter how smart or cool I am.

He absolutely will not respect my boundaries. I’ve asked him to please knock or ring the doorbell when he comes over to my house, but he continues to walk in if the door is unlocked. I’ve asked him not to call me “babe” or “baby”, but he won’t stop. I am so angry because it seems as if he just wants to pretend that none of this is happening. Which is exactly what he learned growing up, I suppose. “If I don’t acknowledge it, it’s not real” seems to be the MO over there.

My mom called me to see how I was doing, and I told her that husband had been pacing around and what I had been thinking while he did so, and that this was leading me to believe that I just need to go ahead and file for divorce and get it over with, because at this point, after this many years and this many betrayals, I don’t know if I will be willing to ever take the risk of trusting him again, even if he DOES decide he wants to recover from his addiction. And no marriage can exist without trust. She asked me if I still loved him…and I couldn’t answer. All I can think is that…for the past 6 years I have created this fake story in my mind about how wonderful our life together was, and I had mostly talked myself into believing it. My brain is screaming, “OF COURSE you love him! Don’t be an idiot!” And the part that knows better says, “Well, he did give you a beautiful son. And you have had some good times together. But maybe what you love is what he meant to you at one time, and not who he IS.”

More later, after I process some more.

birthday July 26, 2007

Posted by introspectreangel in birthdays, lyrics.
4 comments

birthday.jpg

“Roll out of the bed
Look in the mirror
And wonder who you are
Another year is come and gone

Today is your birthday
But it might be the last day of your life
What will you do if tomorrow it’s all gone?

You won’t be young forever
It’s only a fraction to the sum
You won’t be young forever
Nor will anyone

So look at your life
Who you want to be before you die?
Look at your life
What do you want to do?
Look at your life
Who you want to be before you die?
Look at your life
You haven’t got forever

Then tell me what really matters
Is it the money and the fame
Or how many people might eventually know your name
But maybe you touch one life
And the world becomes a better place to be
Maybe you give their dreams another day
Another chance to be free

You won’t be young forever
It’s only a fraction to the sum
You won’t be young forever
Nor will anyone

So look at your life
Who do you want to be before you die?
Look at your life
What do you want to do?
Look at your life
Who do you want to be before you die?
Look into life
It all comes back to you.”

-The Cruxshadows

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32 is not old…but it IS too old to be wasting time with bullshit ANY LONGER. If I filed for divorce this week, it would probably all be wrapped up by the time my lease has expired…

The devil you know is still the devil.

I’ve never blogged anonymously before… July 25, 2007

Posted by introspectreangel in blogging, chaos, family.
2 comments

…that is, without leaving links to myself all over the Internet (well, how else do you get READERS, hello?!), and of course, I’ve never hidden my name and location before, either. So, that’s really a way to say that, there have been many things over the years that I have not been free to rant about, because family was reading, and one must be delicate in these situations. Anyway, I spent about an hour today searching for this blog using a couple different search engines and plugging in my real name and location, the names of my family members, certain themes I blogged about frequently, and some of my interests. All I came up with was the old site, and there are no links that I can discern between that one and this one. I have told everyone who wants to read this one that they will have to email me to get the URL, ‘cos I’m not even gonna put it in a comment where it might be clicked through to by someone searching profiles, know what I mean?

For example, you may not know that I cuss. A lot. And my son has picked up on some of my choicer phrases, so I really need to start watching that, I suppose. I’ve never been much of a cusser in writing, though. Still, I have to say…MY YOUNGEST SISTER-IN-LAW HAS BECOME A HEINOUS, SNOTTY LITTLE BITCH!!!!

Whew. That looks kinda weird. But it’s totally true. My husband called me as I was leaving work to let me know that my car had suddenly, mysteriously died while he was driving home from work, and that it had happened in an area with no cell service, so he had to walk a few miles to get a signal before he could do anything. He’s driving my car because he drives an hour and a half to and from work each day, and my car is a little Japanese econobox that gets good gas mileage. Her name is Zuki. 🙂 I’m driving his truck because the gas mileage isn’t as good, but I don’t ever have to leave our very small town, as I work 7 miles from my front door. Anyway, he called to say that he was driving along when he heard a noise that went “click” and then the car just died. When he finally got where he had enough signal to make a call, he called a tow truck, which he had to wait almost two hours for and which charged him $120 bucks to get the car back to our town. Yikes! So, the tow truck driver got him back to town, where he called his little sister and asked her to come get him so he could pick our son up from day care. He hung out at her house until I got off work and could take him home. He asked his sister if he could borrow her car for one day, since she and her husband have two cars AND live less than a quarter mile (walking distance) from sister’s school and work. She hems and haws, says she has to go inside and discuss it with her husband, and then when MY husband goes to check and see what is taking them so long to decide, he walks in on little sister on the phone with their parents, telling them what is going on. She then hangs up the phone and says, “Dad says I shouldn’t let you borrow the car because you’re not on the insurance.” So my husband tells her never mind and I drive him home, telling him I will come pick him up for his doctor’s appointment in the morning.

During the drive, I’m stewing…really, really stewing. My husband has just had the car break down and has had to walk close to three miles and wait two hours and pay $120 bucks for a tow. And his sister won’t let him borrow her car for one day. It’s utter bullshit. And it’s starting to change my opinion of this girl. I met her when she was 15 and still in high school, and I was always very impressed with her intelligence and by all the ways she seemed different from the rest of my in-laws, but the more I ponder on it, the more it begins to appear that she has become just like the rest of that uncommunicative, passive-aggressive crew. She’s become a little clone of my evil mother-in-law, who will say one thing to your face, but another behind your back. Just in case anyone doesn’t know, it was a post from my sister-in-law on the other site that led me to move my blog, a post in which she accused me of lying to her, conspiring to take my son away from her family, and then blaming it on her parents and attempting to make it look like THEY were saying these things while SHE was just trying to defend me. Complete, utter crap. Really. And I hate to sound like I’m blaming, but yeah, I’m blaming. What’s happening here is she’s creating a situation where, even if my husband and I can work some things out, I’m not going to want to reconcile because of his family and the horrid things they have said, done, and not apologized for…things like my mother-in-law’s comment back in 2002 when husband and I were planning the wedding: “Now, I have to ask you honey, you’re not planning on wearing white, are you?” I was so shocked I didn’t know what to say. It was my first marriage. Yes, I had a daughter from a previous relationship, but what was this, 1950? So I said, “Ummm, yeah, actually I am.” And then I justified my decision to her, when I should have just said, “Not only am I wearing white…I’m wearing SNOWY, VIRGINAL white, you heifer!”

Oh, and just to confirm my suspicions and give myself a reality check about whether or not this is REALLY worth being mad about, I shot off a text message to both of my siblings to ask, if we lived in the same town and my car was in the shop for a day, could I borrow one of their cars, even though I wasn’t on the insurance?  Both immediately said, “No problem, of course”, though my sister did say I couldn’t drive her husband’s company car, just hers!

July 25, 2007

Posted by introspectreangel in faith, thoughtful.
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“It is right that you should begin again every day.  There is no better way to complete the spiritual life than to be ever beginning it over again.”   -St. Francis de Sales