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sexyback July 17, 2007

Posted by introspectreangel in funny.
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In spite of it all, I still have my sense of humor July 11, 2007

Posted by introspectreangel in funny.
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interesting Google searches that led to my blog this past week… May 11, 2007

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dear god forgive me for my sins again since it is my birthday weekend

first communion nervous child

church construction theme party

Renaissance Faire blogs

Craig Misfeldt (haha, I wonder who’s looking for him?)

picture of professor singalottasonga

BACOM retreat

Arbuckle ballroom

depeche mode there’s no time never again before

In case you missed the news… August 18, 2006

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Teacher Arrested:

At New York’s Kennedy Airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

“Al-Gebra is a fearsome cult,” Gonzales said. “They desire average solutions by means and extremes and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute value. They use secret code names like “x” and “y” and refer to themselves as uinknowns, but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.”

As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, “There are 3 sides to every triangle.”

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.”

He’d been in bed for about half an hour when I hea… August 16, 2006

Posted by introspectreangel in Boy-o, funny.
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He’d been in bed for about half an hour when I heard *thump* *CLUNK*…followed momentarily by the *beep beep* sounds of his Little Tykes garage and a cherubic voice saying “cars go vroom, vroooooom!”

Yes, the day I’ve been dreading has arrived. Boy-o has learned to climb out of his crib.

I tiptoed quietly to his door to peek in, planning to crack the door open and say, “BOO!” But a funny thing happened when I tried to turn the doorknob. It…wouldn’t…turn. Not only had little man climbed out of his crib to play with his toys, he had taken the time to lock the bedroom door first.

I scratched my head, and contemplated what I should do. I wasn’t mad – a bit worried, in spite of the laughter and intent conversation with Sully and Mike from Monsters, Inc. that I could hear coming from the other side of the door, but not mad. So, I knocked. I said, “Honey, you need to open up the door for Mommy!”

Dead silence. No stuffed animal talk. No cars going “vroom”. No laughing. Just…silence.

“HEY! OPEN UP THIS DOOR NOW!”

*pitter patter of feet over to the door*

“Honey…do you want some ice cream? Open the door, please!” (not above bribery AT ALL)

“Ice keem, Mama?”

“Yes, ice cream. Unlock the door, please.”

*laughter* “Knock, knock, Mama! Knock knock, knock knock, knock knock, knock knock…” (in a singsong voice as he knocks on the other side of the door that I STILL CAN’T GET OPEN)

“Who’s there? Who’s there, cutie?”

“Cow, Mama! Cow there!”

When all was said and done, husband ended up having to take the doorknob off and flip it around. So now he can’t lock us out, but we can certainly lock him IN.

I’m kidding, of course. I would never, ever do such a thing.

Well, maybe. Unless he learns some new knock knock jokes. And QUICK.

the smartest decision I ever made July 17, 2006

Posted by introspectreangel in funny, marriage.
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…was moving the alarm clock to my husband’s side of the bed.

i’m a faithful reader of i have ordinary addictions… April 21, 2006

Posted by introspectreangel in blogging, friends, funny, politics.
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…a blog by a very interesting girl named mandy who is a dreamer, idealist, traveler, and pop culture nerd. i’ve always wanted to travel, and thanks to her husband’s airline employee discount, she actually gets to, so there’s a little bit of vicarious living through her adventures. anyways, yesterday, she posted a link to an article on salon.com that was written by a classic east coast liberal – someone who is embarassed by the pledge of allegiance, suspicious of the military, and who called the ACLU when flyers for religious activities came home in her kid’s backpack (i dunno, she could have just, *gasp* thrown it away, maybe?) mandy was infuriated by the article, as was i. we both have socially liberal viewpoints on issues like gay rights, and while she hasn’t specified her views on so-called “conservative” hot-button issues, i’m sensing we may be similar there as well. the point of this ramble – and there is one – is to share the funny thing that happened in the comments to her post.

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introspectreangel @ 3:29PM 2006-04-20

wow, that article was completely infuriating! i, too, grew up in a very republican family with a long history of military service, but developed more left-leaning viewpoints as i got older. what maybe makes us different is that my family was religious, and i have carried that into adulthood with me. what some people find strange (in light of the way that the christian right has hijacked the media and now presumes to speak for all church-going people) is that i developed these views within the context of my faith, i.e. feed the hungry, visit the sick, clothe the naked – in short, love one another. inclusion – it’s a lot less hassle than trying to figure out who you want to keep out of the club.

the other day, i was driving with my brother-in-law, who is a staunch republican, and he made some comment about the trees. his wife promptly said (jokingly), “you’re conservative – you hate trees!” i piped up from the back seat, “you know, it IS possible to be conservative and still be a good steward of God’s creation.” he said, “i know!” and i replied, ” just like it’s possible to be a liberal and care about family values.” he scoffed – literally. it made me sad. the extreme right and the extreme left have thoroughly succeeded in their campaigns to keep americans alienated and isolated – the “anti-science” right from our foreign neighbors by pushing an agenda of “might is right” and the “anti-religion” left from our next-door neighbors by ignoring and belittling the things that most average folks value – family, community, and keeping a bigger portion of the money we earn.

Mandy @ 3:38PM 2006-04-20

I know how you feel… the two sides have become so far apart that they don’t even have a perspective on what the other side believes. Lefties don’t chew up fetuses for Satan, and Righties don’t crucify gays for Jesus.

Generally. 🙂

Also, to maybe clarify my point, my family wasn’t anti-religious, we just didn’t go to church. My parents were very concerned with morals and all that, they just didn’t bring religion much into it. I am, and continue to be, a pretty religious person. It does make me really mad when, like you said, the religious right presumes to speak for all Christians. They certainly don’t speak for me! My version of Christianity is very, very different from theirs.

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i was absolutely in stitches of laughter after reading this, and was going to comment accordingly, but the comments proceeded to take a more serious turn with explanations of the ideologies with which different people were raised and one comment that perhaps we should be secure enough in our viewpoints to not care what others think. which is TRUE and all, but not very funny. so i sent mandy an email on myspace:

“well, until these comments took a more serious turn, i WAS going to say that you had illustrated my point beautifully. i’m a moderate for the simple fact that i absolutely ADORE grilled fetuses with olive oil and a little lemon juice, especially as an appetizer before i head out to a gay crucifixion, which in these parts of the state we hold on Saturdays, specifically to desecrate the Jewish sabbath. then i thought about it some more, and i thought it might seem…well, a little graphic for your blog. :)”

at which point she virtually demanded that i post this in the real comments, “to bring some levity to the situation”. so i did. but if you are offended, just remember that it is all her fault.

🙂

olympics commentary cracks me up February 14, 2006

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i was watching the luge events (love ’em!) when nbc suddenly segued into the men’s figure skating competition (eh, not so much), and i couldn’t help but laugh. the two commentators were talking about a recent change to the rules regarding how many opportunities the skaters have to attempt jumps, and one said to the other, “would it be fair to say that this rule is beneficial, considering the larger size of mens’ athletic envelopes, as it were?”

“athletic envelopes” ?

on another subject, it completely managed to escape my notice until about an hour ago that today is indeed valentine’s day. i don’t know, i guess it’s just not that important of a holiday for me. i’m not bitter or cynical about it, but neither do we make any special plans or do flowers or candy or any of that. february means other things to me usually, like my dad’s birthday and getting ready for lent. i’m considering giving up meat, and i’m quite the carnivore, so it’s something that has to be mulled over for awhile.

a pox on you, NOVUS Inflatable Plastic Packaging b… January 9, 2006

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a pox on you, NOVUS Inflatable Plastic Packaging by FP International in Redwood City, New Jersey. i cannot pop you in the manner in which i would customarily pop bubble wrap. instead of separate, individual, highly pop-able bubbles, you have a series of padded quilt-shaped pockets all connected together, thus making it impossible to squeeze air into one small space and get that satisfying POP!! if i twist it in an attempt to get the POP!!, it just folds along the lines between the air pockets. if i roll my desk chair over it on the floor, it still doesn’t POP!! I HATE YOU!!!! and i will never again order from the company that shipped their goods to me in such a pathetic imitation of REAL bubble wrap. i feel robbed!!

in general, i tend to be skeptical of doctors… July 7, 2005

Posted by introspectreangel in depression, family, funny, health.
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…the medical establishment, and most types of medication. now, i’m not anti-medication, christian scientist, jehovah’s witness, or just plain stupid – merely skeptical. i have allergy-induced asthma, and i’m prone to bronchitis, pneumonia, and upper respiratory infections at certain times of the year. i’ve also done battle with clinical depression at various times. nor do i want any more children in the forseeable future. all of the above are, in my opinion, conditions that justify the use of medication – anti-histamines, steroids, anti-inflammatories, antibiotics, antidepressants/antianxiety medications, and contraceptives. however, since i am, as mentioned above, skeptical of the medical establishment, i thoroughly investigate all medications before agreeing to take them. i find out what their active ingredients are. i ask the doctors to explain to me how they are going to work, and why they are better than an alternative drug or no treatment at all. i consider myself to be a responsible and informed healthcare consumer, doing my part to hold down america’s astronomical healthcare costs. before i go any further, i want to make sure that i say i have done no research whatsoever to back up the opinion i am about to put forth. i have no sources to quote. i’m relying strictly on my common sense here, and my common sense tells me that it is primarily stupid people who are helping to drive up the costs of healthcare. people who run to the doctor with the attitude of, “don’t explain what’s wrong with me, just give me a pill to fix it”. people who don’t bother to get educated about how the pill they are swallowing works. people who think, “well, if it worked to fix this, then it must also work to fix THIS.” it’s already been established that the overuse of antibiotics has contributed to the emergence of antibiotic resistant bacteria. the same consumer mindset that has caused this development is also at least partially responsible for rising costs. i call it the “magic pill” attitude.

i have a gigantic mosquito bite on my ankle that has swelled up to the size of a pea and it itches, so last night i was looking around for some hydrocortisone cream to put on it. ok, i’m familiar with home remedies such as toothpaste, but i find hydrocortisone cream works best for me. my mother-in-law hands me the aloe vera from the fridge and says, “use this”. i turn the bottle around and read, “apply generously – aloe vera moisturizes, cools, and soothes dry skin and sunburns.” i look up and say, “this is for dry skin and sunburns, not insect bites.” she shrugs and says, “well, i use it for everything.” i say, “like the dad in “my big fat greek wedding” who uses windex for everything?” she says, “exactly!”

see? magic pill.

i understand that i can’t expect everyone to know the difference between ibuprofen, aceteminophen, and naproxen sodium. but if you’re taking them, you should at least know that they are pain and fever relievers. nor do i expect everyone to know the difference between loratadine and diphenhydramine, but if you’re taking them, you should know that both are antihistamines and antihistamines are for allergies. same thing with decongestants – you don’t take one of those for a runny nose, only a stuffy one. common sense. when my father-in-law complained of a headache and stuffy nose last weekend, she handed him the benadryl. i know i’m not off the mark here, because he looked at her like she was crazy and then got himself the tylenol sinus.

i wonder if she rubs aloe vera on her forehead when she has a headache…